REQUIEM

Evan slumped over on his bed. As the drugs rushed through his body he could feel every emotion leave his body. All of the guilt, shame, and inadequacy that ran his life were silenced for the moment. He knew this feeling wouldn’t last because it never did. He would have to savor every moment of it until there was a return to normalcy. Evan’s normalcy was a state of utter defeat and desperation. He was plagued by the decisions of his past; it was these mistakes that buried him in the life of addiction.

It had all started fifteen years ago when Evan was twelve years old. Evan had always felt like an outcast because all of his friends grew up with their mother and father, and Evan grew up solely with his mother. Evan was never the best at anything, he certainly excelled academically and that lead to him being bullied during his formative years. On one ordinary Friday afternoon, Evan’s life would change forever, his friend Matt invited Evan to smoke pot with him and his friends. He knew that drugs were bad, his mother and teachers had always told him that while he was growing up. Yet Evan desperately longed to fit in, he wanted to be a part of something for once in his life. He had neglected to realize all of the good in his life and chose to focus on the things he wished were different.

Evan had never felt as nervous as he did entering Matt’s house. He recognized some familiar faces from school,  he only felt safe around Matt because he trusted him. As he shyly greeted the other kids at the house he couldn’t shake the feeling that they all were judging him, in Evan’s mind everyone in the room was wondering why a nerd like him would be there. Evan sat there feeling uncomfortable and like he didn’t belong and those thoughts kept repeating, and then it was Evan’s turn to smoke, he paused for a moment, and then it hit him. Evan found that after he smoked he didn’t feel judged by the others, he finally felt included like he was now a part of something. Evan was able to speak freely; he was no longer shy or nervous Evan found his voice to speak with the other kids. Unbeknownst to him, it was at this moment that the trajectory of his life changed course.

That day Evan learned a lesson that would affect each and every decision he made from that point on. He learned that the negative emotions he felt could be abased; he had found a way out. This would be his band-aid for the foreseeable future.

Evan did not know anything else at this point. Evan was only good at one thing now, and that was getting high. He had become a master of his craft after fifteen years of practice. He was ignorant to the fact that he didn’t have to rely on drugs to solve his problems. So it went day in and day out, Evan did what he did best, he got high.

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